For months I have been consumed every second with what needs to be done now, with what must be finished by tonight, with what is crucial to accomplish tomorrow. I knew that when finally, finally the frantic pace slowed down, that there would be a crash.
And that was yesterday. A day when the kids were at school and Dan was back in Berlin and I was alone with all the unpacked boxes and I finally had the time and space to sit and cry. To grieve the life and the friends I have left behind. To miss them terribly. To be sad and indulge a feeling of hopelessness, just for one day. I'm not really hopeless, of course. Fort Collins is a great city and there are tons of opportunities to make friends, do fun things, have new experiences and explore the area. I know all this, and I'm hopeful that we will settle in here and love it. But that takes time, and before I can embrace the new I need to grieve the loss of the old.
So yesterday I didn't have the energy to face any problems or decisions or to-dos. I allowed myself to mope and cry and reminisce.
And today is a new day, and I move forward again.
Jennifer, Moving back is tough. The wonderful people you met in Berlin touched your life, and you are not the same person as when you went over there. It will take some time to find your groove, but you will find a new groove. Be patient and let yourself feel the emotions. I have struggled (very much) coming back home. I've sort of flailed around trying to find where I fit in. I'm still working on it, but it has gotten easier. Celebrate the friends you have made and the joy you found in Berlin! If you ever want to chat, let me know. Hugs to you and your family! - Kate Wettergren
ReplyDelete